Mating

This page is to discuss my observations in on how people choose a mate. I must admit to not being an expert at this, as I have not done so well myself, but then, perhaps the fact that I have done so poorly is the reason that I can make observations that other people might miss because they are too close to the situation.

According to the book Mating Minds people choose a mate by first looking at a certain number of prospects, falling in love with one, then after that is over marrying the first prospect that is better than the one we fell in love with.

There is a problem with this rather simplistic view. First, it is possible that the person chosen may not be interested. Just because a particular woman is the first over the bar for me does not mean that I am the first over the bar for her.

Another problem is that the bar can be set so high by this method that there is no first person over the bar. My experience indicates that in reality the bar is a variable thing. That is, the longer I go without getting any prospects, the lower I will set the bar. I really think that in an extreeme case (which I have not gotten to yet) the bar can be set so low that the only requirement for a man to fall in love is that the woman be available and breathing.

This is seen referenced in the movie version of Swiss Family Robinson where, when the boys are stranded, one says to the other, "I hope we can find women our age when we get to New Guinea" or some such. The reply is, "By the time we get to New Guinea, we won't care what age they are." That is, the only requirement is that they be breathing.

This must be seen in the context of my being a man. I cannot say whether this would be true of a woman or not. What I have seen tends to indicate that it is, except the bar may not go quite so low.